Reflections: on Books!

I love to read. Books are enlightening, interesting, engrossing. Books can shape who we become. They give us reasons to meet up with friends {Yay Book Club!}. They give us a common language, one of my favorite reasons to read aloud with my kids! I went through a period of not reading and fell out of the habit. Sometime in this past decade I decided to get myself back into the habit of reading, so I started with a goal that felt possible: 12 books a year. And I did it! It became something I started challenging myself to do every year and now I read about 25-35 books a year. One thing I've learned is that it is ok to not finish a book. It was hard for me to give my permission to do so, but there are so many great books out there, why was I forcing myself to finish something I knew I didn't want to finish? I've kept a simple note on my phone since 2019 with books I've read, so I'm going to share some with you today. As I look back over the list, I have a few asterisks, so I assume that means I really enjoyed those :D I love a good book list or recommendations from others and I hope this list might give you a new book or two to add to your list as well! 

Dressing up in character for one of our Family Book Clubs with our A&W group. 

Chop Wood Carry Water by Joshua Medcalf

Loving Our Kids on Purpose by Danny Silk

The Life-Giving Parent by Sally Clarkson 

Water Walker by Ted Dekker 

Be You. Do Good. by Jonathan David Golden 

Teaching from Rest by Sarah Mackenzie 

Hannah Coulter by Wendell Berry 

Emotional Agility by Susan David 

There's No Such Thing as Bad Weather by Linda Akeson McGurk 

Adventuring Together by Greta Eskridge

The Circle Trilogy by Ted Dekker

Awaking Wonder by Sally Clarkson

Even the Sparrow by Jill Weber 

All Things Wise and Wonderful by James Herriott 

Take Back Your Family by Jefferson Bethke 

Jane Eyre by Charlotte Bronte 

Built to Move by Kelly and Juliet Starrett 

A Girl of the Limberlost by Gene Stratton-Porter

The Tarantula in my Purse by Jean Craighead George

8 Great Smarts by Kathy Koch

The Whole and Healthy Family by Jodi Mockabee 

No Neutral Ground by Pete Portal

The Busman's Honeymoon by Dorothy L. Sayers

A Girl Called Zippy by Haven Kimmel 

Younger Next Year by Henry S. Lodge

The Thing with Feathers by Noah Stryker

Hunt, Gather, Parent by Michaeleen Doucleff

Treasures of the Snow by Patricia St. John 

The Printed Letter Bookshop by Katherine Reay 

The Penderwicks Book series by Jeanne Birdsall 

Chasing Slow and The Opt-Out Family by Erin Loechner 

It Wasn't Roaring It was Weeping by Lisa-Jo Baker

Remarkably Bright Creatures by Shelby Van Pelt 

Emily of Deep Valley by Maud Hart Lovelace

The Connection Cure by Julia Hotz

The Third Gilmore Girl by Kelly Bishop

The Awakening of Miss Prim by Natalia Sanmartin Fenollera

Once Upon a Wardrobe by Patti Callahan

Wuthering Heights by Emily Bronte

Fast Like a Girl by Dr. Mindy Pelz 

Nothing Else But Miracles by Kate Albus

Currently Reading: Project Hail Mary by Andy Weir 

Cool! As I was looking back over these lists, 2024 was a really great year! I read 39 books that year and quite a few made it on this list. I tried to include books on this list only if I could remember what the story was about or something I had learned from them or a picture that has stayed in my mind ever since. I hope one or two might inspire you. If I had more time, I'd go back and do a quick little summary, but I don't feel up to it right now. So if you want to know more about one of these books, please ask! 

To reading... delightful books! 

Reflections: on Movement

I grew up in a family of hard workers. We labored -- gardening, caring for animals, carrying in firewood, mowing. Both of my parents have physically active jobs/lives. As a child, I loved sports, playing outside, and dancing. It kept me active and made life enjoyable for me. But "exercise" felt like.. a punishment. I started running with my sister prior to my senior year in high school and kept running for track and then intermittently in college and into my 20s. I felt like cardio was good enough. I stayed out of the weight room because it felt "boring" and "wouldn't really get my heart rate up". These were my perceptions. Flash forward to *you guessed it* 2016 and I had three kids and wanted to be able to move and keep up, but didn't know where or how to start. I felt tired, running was sorta painful, and I didn't have hours of time on my hands. First habit? Balance 365 presented a walking challenge. So simple. Yet it changed my trajectory, again! 

May 2017 

 I had recently found out I was pregnant with child #4 and the last pregnancy had been rough. What could I do? Well, I could walk! And I did. And I just kept going. In the book "Built to Move" by Kelly and Juliet Starrett, which my sister gave me in 2023, Vital Sign 4 is entitled "Walk this Way" and is all about daily movement. They talk about how it may be good to put in a hard workout for 30 min. every day, but if you're sitting for the rest of the day, your body is going to deteriorate (my paraphrase). So I got a pedometer and aim for an average of 8,000 steps a day. Sometimes I bring my kids along on a walk if I know I need some extra steps for the day. Sometimes I go for an alone walk. I will often meet up with a friend to walk and talk. I park further from the door at stores and places I'm going. It all adds up to more overall movement. 

Walking is essential, I can see myself doing it the rest of my life. But I began to learn more about functional mobility and started to think more about my longevity and the fact that I want to be able to move well as I age. This led me to read Younger Next Year and start reading stories about people who were moving well late into life. They were consistently saying the same things: you have to move now if you want to move later. Strength training is crucial. It doesn't matter if you feel like it, just do it. So I started. 9Round served me well for a couple of years -- I loved hitting and kicking those punching bags!! I enjoyed having the workout pre-programmed and trainers to motivate me. But I realized I wanted to be able to work out around my kids so they could see what I was doing and join me sometimes. So I got a Y pass and that was a flop! I had no idea what I was doing in the weight area and ended up using the track mostly. My sister saw me flailing and on my 38th birthday she got me a very confusing gift :P It was called Street Parking and I questioned why she would give me a pass to park downtown when I don't like driving down there to begin with! But I found out it was a workout program. The people who created it are CrossFit trainers who wanted to make something accessible for people to be able to workout from home with a set of dumbbells. And I fell in love! My biggest obstacle had been not knowing how to come up with a workout of my own -- and this solved that problem. My next obstacle was not knowing the terminology -- what is a hang power clean? a snatch? a turkish get-up? They include videos for all the moves! Can a pair of dumbbells really be enough to get in an adequate strength training session? They can! I've seen progress -- I look and feel stronger. I can do more than I used to. When I saw that progress shift was when I transitioned from three workouts a week to four or five. Initially, that felt like too much of a time commitment. I thought I needed to read through each new daily workout and figure it out and sometimes that felt like too much work. But when they suggested saving your favorite workouts and repeating them, that was a game-changer for me. Last September, I looked at my trophy case and decided to set myself a goal of hitting my first 365 workouts by my 40th birthday: meaning I would have worked out every other day for 2 whole years! I'm not going to quite make it, but I'm super close. As of today I have worked out on 337 days over the past two years.  

Something I've come to love is rucking. Very simply: carrying weight in a backpack while you walk. In "Built to Move" it is described like this: "It's strength and cardio in one. It's cardio for the person who hates running, and strength work for the person who hates lifting." p. 125. I did it for over a year with a backpack, a 10# dumbbell, and some towels. You truly don't need to buy anything to start! After I realized this is something I wanted to keep doing, I decided it was time to level up with an actual weighted vest. Now nearly every Tuesday you can find me out for a 20-30 minute ruck. I don't have to change my clothes or set aside a bunch of time. I put on tennis shoes and my vest and leave. Sometimes I just barely squeak it in between teaching piano lessons; sometimes I bring it along on a walk with a friend; sometimes I go the full 30 minutes and other times it's a quick mile.  It doesn't add anything to my mental load for the day because I've already pre-decided that it's what I'm doing. The benefits for me are many. Plus it's fun and accessible to do with others. My sister and I try to go for a long ruck once a month which is a win-win because we both care about movement and spending time together! 

Street Parking has changed the way I approach resistance training. I feel supported to be able to move consistently. They remind us frequently that it's simple, but not easy. My mind has become more tough through these workouts as I coach myself to just do the next move and the next one and then the next. I tell myself it doesn't matter if I am slow, I will keep moving and I will keep trying and it won't kill me like my brain seems to think. I am stronger and tougher than I thought. 

To movement... and building tenacity! 

Reflections: On Food

My jumping off point came in 2016 {look at that! I didn't really consider that I started this exactly 10 years ago}, so apparently I really did kick off my 30s with this mindset shift. My cousin told me about a group called Balance 365 (it had a different name then) about making habit changes, working on your body positivity, and taking good care of your body. It clicked for me. THE thing that shifted everything for me was their advice to make a habit so small that you can achieve it 90-100% of the time as soon as you begin it. Whoa! Is it really worth starting that small? What's the point if I can't prove myself? What if there is nothing to show for my efforts? But I jumped in. My first habit? Eat protein at breakfast every day. I was a cereal-for-breakfast kind of girl. And often, would eat cereal before bed at night too! When I was working on campus at SWBTS (in my 20s), around 10 am, everyday I would find myself hungry and often going to the on-campus coffee shop for a sugary, iced coffee drink. This was normal. When I made the change to protein at breakfast I found *gasp* I didn't really notice hunger until lunch time. This was especially helpful because I was nursing babies, raising and chasing three littles ones, pregnant, and needed energy during these years and was tired of feeling hungry all the time!  

After I got the protein habit down, I decided to try another habit from their list: eat 3-4 meals a day. This is challenging when you have kids and you've been taught that snacking is good/ok/even healthy! {As an aside, if you have a different kind of body that requires snacking for some reason or other, I am not saying you should do what I did. I'm just sharing what I found that made me feel best.} As I eliminated snacking from my days, I realized that I was nice and hungry at mealtimes. I noticed that my body actually felt better, instead of sluggish, because it wasn't always processing food. It had time to perform other functions. I lost some weight when I began this process and I was happy about that. But I got pregnant again after that, and ultimately this habit didn't end up being about weight loss for me, it was a matter of listening to my body's cues and realizing that I functioned better throughout my day, when I avoided snacking most of the time {aka 90-100%}. 

With just these two main habits, maintaining my weight became a non-issue for me as my 30s continued. Which was a big deal, because prior to this point in my life, I was always afraid of "going back" so I felt like I had to exert a lot of control over every food choice OR just fall off the wagon completely and gain weight back and feel out of control completely. These two habits gave me so much freedom and added joy back into my life when it came to food. I also needed it to be a non-issue because with four young kids, homeschooling, teaching piano lessons, and just the life of a young mother, I DID NOT have the capacity to add to my mental load: constant food choices. I needed to free up my mind to focus on my daily tasks and these two foundational habits did that for me. 

A few months ago I finally felt ready to add in something new -- less sugar. I knew it would be my hardest work yet. My whole life, I've loved sweets. My whole life, I've never gone without sugar. I've seen research, I've read articles, I've heard people talk about the detriments of sugar. I've justified myself "it can't be that bad"; "other people are eating it", "what about enjoying my life?!?", etc. I needed to assess the best way of attack. I knew I didn't have it in me to quit completely, and I knew that was not a long-lasting solution for me. To be honest, I'm still figuring this one out. But I knew there were 2 main issues I needed to address: my daily coffee + creamer and my dinner after dessert. This is a work in progress, but it may be one of the most important ones I get a handle on. And as I look back over what I accomplished in the past 10 years, I know I can make progress in this area too! 

These are my big rocks. It is extremely hard for me to leave the post like this because there are many other little things that I have practiced, tried, experimented with along the way and they've all taught me and assisted me in moving forward to better health. But if I get bogged down in the minutiae of each detail, this post will get way too long! But if any of this sparks your interest, I'd definitely be down to chat because I believe the way we eat greatly impacts our lives. 

To food... it's delicious! :D 

Reflections, Introduction

I am a quiet, observant, introverted, enneagram 5 who mostly lives in my head. And if that sounds weird to you, that's ok. I often feel misunderstood, and while it's painful to feel like I don't come across the way I hoped, I am learning to let go of my idealized version of myself and embrace the reality of life {I didn't even like typing that sentence!} Here's a picture: often, as I'm leaving a group setting, I will think "Wow! What an enriching, meaningful conversation we just had!" and then as I reflect some more I will realize that I actually forgot to say anything out loud. As people share and discuss, I am listening, ingesting, commentating and responding inwardly, but often forget or am afraid to speak out loud. 

Because, you see, it is much safer to keep those thoughts internally. And then I frustrate myself further because when I do pluck up my courage and decide to actually say words *out loud* I find my voice often gets all wavery and my eyes will sometimes tear up because I feel passionate, or strongly about the subject and I'm so not used to saying anything, that the experience feels even more vulnerable and it takes a lot of energy out of me. 

Nevertheless, as I countdown the days until I turn 40, I thought I'd share some things I've learned in my third decade of life. I'm blogging it, which is like so 2009, but I figure that gives people an option to click on the link or just move on if they'd rather not read an excessively long social media post :) 

Something I began over the past decade is work on my habits. I've never been one to rush or make quick decisions or try something rashly. I reflect, predict outcomes, consider what's realistic in my season of life, and alter course slowly; maybe even painstakingly slow. But as I near my 40th birthday next week and consider those small changes that I chose to become habits, I am thankful I didn't wait for the "perfect time" or when things were "easier". Yes, there were some things I started that were fails, but the ones that have stuck, I'm glad I made the effort to try and not give up even when I didn't see "results" as quickly as I wanted. I suppose along the way I might have read "Atomic Habits" by James Clear as many people reference when it comes to habit building, but I have not. Anyone out there recommend it? As I share a little each day, I will try to share some of my resources that have helped inform my decisions. Perhaps it will provide you some insight to a subject you are interested in as well! 

To habits... and writing again! 

About Me

 I think blogging might be over. I mean, I used to be a daily visitor to several cooking blogs in years' past -- Pioneer Woman, Mel's Kitchen Cafe, Six Sister's Stuff, and many more. I perused and printed off many, many recipes that I still use to this day. So it was indeed not time wasted. I had a surplus of time in those early years of marriage that I was unaware of until having 4 kids and moving 6 times in a span of 5 years. But it is summertime once more and, by choice, I have at least 90 minutes each week that I spend mowing our yard; it gives me time to reflect and think my own thoughts, a rare feat in a household of six. In high school days, I would write poetry, albeit poorly. I joined the "bake and blog sensation" from about 2008 - 2012 and enjoyed chatting away about what I was baking and sharing pictures. I like to write meaningful posts on Instagram or Facebook and try to inspire or encourage others. 100 characters is usually not enough space for me to go into the detail I like. But sometimes I'll share something that is particularly meaningful to me and not receive the response I was hoping for, which I realize is unintentional, but still hurts a bit because I've assigned an emotion or hope to it, sometimes without even realizing it. Writing is my forte, more than verbal communication. Sure, give me a good one-on-one and I'm great at asking questions, talking, listening; it's really the best way to get to know me. But once you expand that out to two, three sets of eyes that I know are listening and watching, I retreat back into my shell because I have a harder time monitoring the body language, assessing the answers, watching for clues as to how the conversation is going and I end up not saying much at all. Case in point, a few weeks ago, I was onstage for worship team, and the leader asked me to just "say something into the mic". So here's what I said, "    ". Yep. Nothing. This is what happens to my brain when I'm 1) unprepared, 2) put on the spot, 3) there's more than one person listening. The ironic thing is, from time to time, I actually "prepare to be spontaneous". I will wait for your laughter to subside... 

Yes, often as I'm taking walks, I'll think about interesting things I have seen or read, funny things my kids have said, and I will rehearse these things for such moments as described above. But apparently my preparations were in vain because not one of those recitations arose to the top when put on the spot. The most frustrating part for me is that usually I do have a thought or something on mind. I think I am a fairly interesting person. I am becoming more well-read as I get older. But I have a very powerful filter on my mind, that allows very little to pass through without reflection and wondering how my response might affect others. This is a helpful feature in some areas of life, keeping me out of trouble. But other times it is a frustration and burden that makes me feel that I'm alone, outside of the circle. 

So here I am, feeling the urge to write again. I think perhaps I will challenge myself to write a post each week. Oh, I know, it will be extremely difficult, for you, dear readers, to wait seven whole days between posts ;) The challenge is really for myself because I do like the act of writing whether with pen and paper or screen and keyboard. I feel like the pressure is off a bit because I plan to share the link to my blog posts on Facebook, but no one has to take the time to read it unless they want to, and my expectations will be lower. That way when I see a post only has 2 readers (Hi, Mom and Dad!) I won't flounder as much as previous attempts. I'm really hoping to write for myself, but if someone wants to read about a particular topic I share, they might be encouraged or ask me a question. That has always been my goal. I realize I don't have a huge circle of influence. I don't have a 'K' behind my numbers of followers on Instagram. But I do have friends and family. And I care very much, more than I'll ever say to you in person. But perhaps, through my writing, I will be able to share a bit more, and practice being ok with showing others who I am.    

To life... full of words! 

On the Brink of Death

Dramatic title, much?!?! Ha, I know. But it was a thought I was pondering a few nights ago, just within the first week of my new no social media resolution. We're only 9 days into the new year, but I've already noticed a stabilizing to my mental health. I think one of the biggest components for my anxiety was the feeling of imminent danger/death for every decision I made. In years' past, I too have shared difficult moments in life, often reaching out for support when we lived far from family or friends, on social media; and it was a source of comfort and encouragement when people would respond and reach out. So I do understand the reason people share their stories, the good and the bad. But it seems for me, that I was reaching the point where it felt like everyone, everywhere was sick or dying. {I realize, in the grand scheme of life, we are all dying and it's a fact that someday we all will. But living in constant fear of it is more my point here.} I started layering their stories onto mine. I would put myself in their shoes and wonder how I might respond in such a tragic situation. I would imagine what it would be like to be terminally sick, how would I be feeling? Would I respond well or lose it?

~~~ The homeschool mom who had ovarian cancer for 2 years and fought hard, and found joy in the midst, and died in 2019. ~~~The 7 year old girl who fell off a golf cart and suffered a tragic and traumatic brain injury in August and is still recovering. ~~~The well-known Christian author and mom who went to the hospital with a fever and cough and didn't come back out alive. ~~~The child who was vaccinated and suffered an injury to their brain. ~~~ The mom who found her 3 year old unconscious on the bedroom floor in the middle of the night and resuscitated her and took her to the hospital and found out she had a tumor and then it miraculously healed and then the U.S. required her to continue chemo treatments, so they left the states.~~~ 

There are so many stories. There are so many choices. I believe thoroughly in research, being aware, finding answers, searching for truth. There are choices I've made because other people enlightened me and I am thankful. But some of the day to day choices I was trying to make became almost excruciating... if I feed this food to my children, am I causing them to have a stomachache? And ultimately creating conditions for an autoimmune disease? Which will lead to a shortened life expectancy? My child's teeth are coming in too early... will this lead to dental problems the rest of their life? Do they have so many cavities because I didn't brush their teeth enough? Because I let them have too much sugar? Because I didn't give them enough mineralization? Or because I let the dentist put on fluoride at the last visit? Or because I don't use a toothpaste that is fluoridated?

It's exhausting.

Not only that, but it was keeping me from being present in my own life. To be able to actually SEE the people in my life and assess what was/is best for them in the current moment. To seek God's wisdom in decisions for our family. To trust my own instincts as to knowing what was best for myself and my children.

Upon reflection, this might be one of my biggest break-throughs and one of the best ways I'll be able to heal this year. I have done tons of research, received lots of input, been inspired, encouraged, and informed. Now it's time to sift through what I have received, toss out what isn't needed or doesn't work, and move forward in health, bravery, and faith.

To life... full of sifting and shifting. (I remembered my sign-off without looking back :))

Also, a picture. Naomi is starting to miss a few naps nowadays, so this is how we found her one evening around 7:30 pm...

On the Cusp of a New Year

Well folks, it's been quite some time since I've written a blog post that doesn't have to do with a child's development or birthday. Over the past month or so I've been mulling over an idea, taking myself off of social media. Sometimes it seems scary and overwhelming and other times it feels like it might be a relief! I think I've discovered that what I appreciate most about social media is the remembering -- seeing pictures of my kids and family and remembering what has happened in years past; a digital diary of sorts. For this reason, I've continued to use Facebook and Instagram and have been hesitant to eliminate them. I also realize that many people do, in fact, care about seeing the kids grow up and are interested in knowing what we are up to. On the other hand, with my continued use there has been {self-imposed} drama and increased anxiety. I've taken a few week and month long breaks, and I've found increased productivity in other areas of my life -- staying caught up with laundry, reading more books than I have previously, etc. Which, of course, are wonderful by-products. So I found myself with a conundrum of sorts, how to find a balance between the pros and cons.

Our Family on Christmas Eve 2019 

Then, it hit me, my blog! A way to stay more private and avoid so much comparison {worrying about the number of likes and comments each post receives} and yet, the people who want to stay connected with me will be able to. Winning, yes?! Plus, writing does in fact help me process my thoughts and may help me achieve some of the goals I have created for this new year. I have not decided how often I'll be able to write and post, it may ebb and flow as time allows. But if you wish to follow along this year as I embrace a change and try something new for myself and my family, please do. I love the connection that technology allows us to have, even when living miles apart. Wishing you all a Happy New Year! 

August Catch-Up

Happy August! We're staying busy at our house this month! Piano lessons have begun -- 5 new students, plus Zeke has started back up as well! I've been buying school supplies, organizing the school room and working on lesson plans for September {just finished today!}. We've been making applesauce, we've begun to get an egg from our chickens each day, we got a new puppy, I have bi-monthly doctor appointments for the baby, we made our first trip to the library and got a library card, and this morning we went to the Parkville Days parade! So lots of fun mixed in with the daily tasks of a family of five. Oh yes, the boys completed 3 weeks of swim lessons (2 days per week) and Zoë is finishing up her swim lessons going once per week with Miriam! We are ready for the routine and a bit of slowing down {hopefully} this Fall. Have a great weekend! 

A Decade of Marriage

I'm not one to shy away from saying life can be tough. Parenting. Moving. Marriage.

There are certainly joys and adventures that come with each experience! And I believe life is made richer through change and being brave and walking through your fear. Sometimes I wish more people had shared their stories with me. Given me a better idea of what to expect as I grew up. There's no way you can prepare someone else for what they will experience in their own life story, but connecting with others, being vulnerable, saying "you're not alone" is beyond valuable; it creates significance in our lives, helping us to not feel alone and afraid.

I never mind trying to give the "full picture"; not just giving the highlight reel. My typical anniversary posts usually convey the highs and the lows, the good and the bad, the easy road and the challenging one. Because it's true. Marriage is hard work and can rub you ragged like sandpaper and some of us (like me) have some pretty rough edges.

But today, on this, our 10th anniversary, I want to share the good. I want to be a little sappy. I want to tell you that marriage can be wonderful and worth jumping into with both feet and worth fighting for. {This is going to be a bit difficult for me to write because I'd much rather be sarcastic and sassy, so "Hello, welcome to the softer side of Tricia." :)}

Daytona Beach, FL -- Fall 2016

To Jeremiah, A Reflection on our Years together --

We met in college and there was an immediate spark.
You bared your heart to me as you drove me home, ready to date me.
I said "thank you" and got out of the car. Afraid to let someone in. I was busy.

We started to date, looked at the stars in the park on dark nights. Talked about hopes and dreams. Still I was afraid. When would the other shoe drop? I was waiting to be disappointed. But instead you asked me to be your wife; with a ring in a sock in a living room. It was simple. I hesitated. What if I was making a mistake? Isn't divorce genetic? I said "Yes" doubting myself every minute. Lucky you.

I had never dreamed of my wedding day. But we put it together, piece by piece, and made it ours.

Over the years we've moved, a lot. We've failed at things. We've hurt each other. We've grown up. And when I think how God has woven our lives together, I can't be anything but grateful. You believed in me when I didn't. You loved me when I was afraid. I didn't know anything was missing from my life until I met you. You are my constant support, holding me up when life knocks us down. Taking my hand when I don't want to take another step. Your love is quiet and constant, waiting for me to slow down and be still and allow myself to feel it. You give me permission to rest when I don't think I should. You wash the dishes so my hands won't hurt and itch and be red. You serve me faithfully. You choose to be kind even when I push you away. There aren't any requirements I must meet for you to love me; no hairstyle, body shape, style of clothing -- and I've had a lot of them -- changes the way you feel, you still call me beautiful, and mean it.

I still like it when we hold hands and sit near each other on the couch when we watch a movie or TV show. It makes me smile when you open the door for me, even though I nearly beat it out of you while we were dating with my prideful, independent remarks of "I can open my own door!" followed by an eye roll. Who knew that such a small gesture really showed more kindness rather than taking anything away from me.

We've grown up, together, these past 10 years. Oh yes, we know how to push each other's buttons and shut each other down with a simple phrase that cuts like a knife. But we've also learned that sometimes holding your tongue is worth the effort. That saying an encouraging word rather than a critical one is worth the creativity it takes to form it.

We are better together than we are apart. Living our life together has made us stronger, braver, united. You make me want to be a better person, for you, for me, for our family. Our reliance on each other, and ultimately God, has woven our cord of 3 strands so tightly, we will not be easily broken. I love you more today than I believed possible at our wedding 10 years ago. I love our life together and think that the years ahead are full of promise, adventure, support, and love. Happy Anniversary!

A Poem for March

The weather is pretty, the sun is out
But inside we're coughing and sneezing.
The pollen is floating, the flower are blooming,
The kids can't keep from wheezing.

We need a good rain, it's been a dry winter
I'm so glad that Spring's finally here!
Here's a few pictures from our laid back week
Hope your weekend is filled with good cheer!

Discovering Self-Care

Much to my surprise, when I was reflecting upon which habit I want to focus on for the month of December, I decided it should be self-care. Personally, when I hear the phrase 'self-care' the first words that come to mind are lazy, selfish. Those tapes have played in my head my entire life and it is going to take intentional work to rid myself of those dishonest thoughts. It's hard for me to choose a habit that benefits my emotional well-being because I'm a driven and I-want-to-see-results person. I'd much prefer to keep focusing on my dietary habits so I can lose weight/fat/fit in my clothes better. But, as I've been a part of the Balance 365 community for a couple of months, I'm realizing how important a holistic approach is to my health. Stress can have so many negative effects on my health, so instead of adding something that would require more brainpower, will power, mind-work, I chose something that would be life-giving to me. Which, at first, was hard to accept. And then as I thought about it, I got more and more excited. Something to make me feel better, more whole, more like a human being and less stressed, less likely to get upset with my family? This is genius!

I have already written up my "plan" for December and posted it on my door to see every day. But I thought I might share it with you in case you, like me, need a boost of confidence to take care of yourself or even 'permission' to not feel guilty when you say no to another holiday party, to not do another pinterest project, to just be instead of striving to be more. I think it's ok for all of us to scale things WAY back and even more so during the Christmas season.

So here's my game plan:

1. Slow down.
It might sound too easy. But as I am a highly efficient person (or at least I like to be!) having 3 small children gives me the efficiency of a slug working it's way through mud. Many mornings look like: "wash one dish, go break up a fight, walk back to the kitchen, return to the living room to stop the screaming, go back and wash a fork and spoon, return to living room to find pictures knocked off the wall..." I think you get the idea. And this is not a stretch, it's just actual fact. And then I get so frustrated with my children because, hey, they're being children and it's annoying because it's slowing down my productivity and then we get into a cycle of upset and tears. So, yes, I'm going to slow down and worry less about efficiency and more about taking one step at a time.

2. Do the bare minimum.
Agh! This one ^^ is going to be tough. I hate doing the bare minimum. I would rather do everything really well and if I can't do it well, I don't want to do it at all. But I'm going to give myself the grace to do the bare minimum, which might mean I clean one toilet and that's it. But for the sake of my sanity, for the relationship I want to build with my children during this season, to keep the focus on Jesus and not the neatness of the house or the "presentation" of my family, I'm giving myself the permission to do the bare minimum.

3. Be kind to myself.
I am my biggest critic. And I've found that the more I critique myself and degrade my abilities and my lack of this or that or what I'm not accomplishing, the easier it is for me to do the same towards others. I hold myself to such a standard that neither I nor anyone else can ever measure up. And it is exhausting. So in being kind to myself, I believe it will trickle over into being kind to others as well. If I can accept that I did not clean the bathroom -- again-- I can also accept that my husband did not pick up his shoes -- again. Because isn't a peaceful household another great goal for the season? I think so!

4. Pick 1 self-care activity every day.
I've been doing pretty well at practicing some self-care each week, but this month I'm going to kick it up a notch and pick something every single day. I've held the belief that I have to get out of the house or spend money or do something big to 'accomplish' self-care. But it's not true. So I picked a few things that I can do both at home as well as out of the house. I think one of the things I'll truly have to work on is not feeling guilty for my self-care habit, especially when I choose to stay home. Often, when I'm home, if I choose a self-care activity, it's hard for me to not be thinking in the back of my mind, "I should be doing something else, like the dishes, or folding laundry, or tidying up, I don't deserve to sit here and relax." Working on relaxing without guilt is going to be a big step forward for me. Here are some of my personal suggestions:
- Read for 30 minutes
- Play the piano
- Meet a friend for coffee, without kids
- Watch a movie
- Dance/stretch/do some yoga
- Go for a hike

- Zumba

- Workout at the Chilson center

- Take a nap

- Go to the Coffee Tree
- Eat a doughnut. That's right. I love me a good doughnut, and to be able to enjoy it without guilt? Definitely an act of self-care ;)

And lastly, my new mantra, is to remind myself of this: "I'm doing the best I can." Because not only am I allowing myself to believe the best about myself, it pushes me to believe it of others. Maybe that other person isn't actually frowning at me, but thinking about their mom being in the hospital. Maybe that driver didn't cut me off in traffic because they're rude, maybe they are rushing to pick up a child from school. Maybe we're all just doing the best we can.

 I hope that those of you who read today's post are encouraged to reflect on how you might take care of yourself this December. Let's spur each other on in treating ourselves, and one another, with more care and grace and acceptance, not just in December, but all year long!

Small habits. Small changes. Small encouragements. 

Damage Control, A Poem

Inspired by true events this morning... 

Banana peel from her mouth, 

plucked from the compost bin. 

A crumpled check wrenched from her fist

a six-toothed little grin. 

She screams with anger, screams with joy

her face gets oh-so-red.

I feel so guilty from my relief

when she's tucked in her bed. 

A Christmas tin crushed in half

-- thought it a great place to stand. 

A banging on the glass -- I run --
a door lock in his hand. 

Spanking, yelling, crying, tears

how will I make it through? 

I know they say the years fly by, 

but right now, it's only noon. 

I'm not ungrateful, quite the opposite, 

I'm thankful for each child. 

But some days feel like DEFCON 3

they're loud, rambunctious, wild! 

So many things I want to accomplish

but I guess now's not the time. 

In a few years, perhaps, you'll see me again

in the meantime, more coffee, I'll be fine. 

Change Takes Time

I don't know about you, but guilt has never motivated me to change. I don't look at a picture of a model in a magazine and think, "Hey that's awesome! Today I'm going to lose weight so I can look like her!" Nope. Usually it just makes me want to walk into the kitchen, bake a box of brownies, and start eating right from the middle, with a spoon, and some vanilla ice cream, and maybe some caramel sauce... but I digress. For me, I have to change from the inside. I've lost weight in the past because I wanted to LOOK different. But last year, as I was on bed rest, I got real with myself. I realized if I'm losing my weight to look a certain way, I'll just keep yo-yoing like I have since I was 17 years old. If I want to change the way I look, I feel like crap when I "mess up" or eat a "cheat food" or don't workout. If I want to change the way I look, once I achieve my goal, what's motivating me to keep working? I realized it had to be more. Here's a link to that post if you want to read about my change of mind.
http://shortcakessweettooth.blogspot.com/2015/08/bed-rest-to-5k.html

I started slow last September, and as far as weight goes, I gained and lost the same 5 pounds over and over for 5 months. I wasn't too worried about the weight though because I felt myself getting stronger and my measurements were slowly going down. {I record my measurements once a season and typically weigh myself on just the 1st of each month. This is freeing for me and allows me to focus on healthy habits and sustainable lifestyle choices, instead of giving myself anxiety and guilt by seeing value only in the numbers on a scale.} September through December I focused on drinking lots of water and walking. After the new year, I slowly added in some jogging, increasing my fruit and vegetable intake, decreasing my sugar and dairy intake, and finally worked up to a 5K in June! I've tried to make one positive change at a time. At the end of December I read the book, "It Starts with Food" and watched a documentary on Netflix about plant-based eating. Then I purchased the book, "42 Days to Fit" on our Kindle. On February 15, I started reading and following along with her weekly suggestions. If it tells you how addicted I was to sugar, in the first week when she has you cut out desserts and sugary drinks, I lost 4 lbs. I have never in my life lost that much weight in just one week. And I haven't done it again since then, but was just trying to give you an idea of my serious sweet tooth. I found a lot of success with her book. She helps you focus on making just one change each week and she even includes workouts and exercises to help amplify the results, but I chose not to complete those the first time around because I knew my downfall was diet. I would so much rather workout then make good food choices, so that's what I knew I needed to focus on. The changes and steps she takes you through make so much sense and seem attainable to me. They are things I can easily continue as a lifestyle choice. It doesn't feel like I'm depriving myself of certain things, it feels like I'm focusing on eating foods that are beneficial for my body to live. Even now, I continue to pick one or two of her suggestions to work on each week.

 Just as a point of reference, here are a few "stats" from my life during the 'before' picture:
- I had given birth to my 3rd child just 6 weeks before.
- I ate dessert whenever I felt like it, usually after lunch and after dinner.

- My morning coffee consisted of coffee + milk + coffee creamer + sugar.
- I took 1 mile walks a few times each week, at an average pace of about 22 minutes per mile.
- I didn't feel in control of my eating habits. Thinking about not having dessert for an entire week, even one day, felt "impossible".
- My BMI was in the 'obese' category.

One year later:
- I only have dessert a few times a week.
- Typically my morning coffee consists of coffee + honey and sometimes half and half {or this summer when I made iced coffee I just added natural bliss coffee creamer (no additives or soybean oil, you know, weird stuff that shouldn't be classified as 'cream')}.
- I walk almost every day (I took a Walk this Way challenge in May and fell in love with taking daily walks. Some days I go to zumba or run, but I'm usually out and moving 6 days out of the week) for about 1.5 miles and my average pace is 19 minutes per mile.
- I feel more in control of my eating habits. I still struggle with sugar and it is something I have to make concerted effort to overcome. But I saw what I could do over the past year and realized I'm stronger than I thought, which is empowering to me and another benefit of this lifestyle change.
- I've lost about 20 lbs. and my BMI has gone down to the 'overweight' category. 

You know those before and after pictures that you look at over and over again and think, "Is that really the same person? It can't be. And sometimes it's not!" Well here's mine, and it's pretty obvious it's me :) I did my best to have Jeremiah get a shot from the same angle and wore the same shirt for the best comparison possible.

September 12, 2015 

September 12, 2016

Can I tell you something? This didn't happen in a few short weeks for me. I didn't read some article about how to "lose 10 pounds in just 2 weeks!". I was realistic with myself. I set goals -- some of them I crushed, others had to be readjusted and evaluated. Guys, it's hard to change. So hard. You know what worked for me? Making one small change at a time. Then taking those changes and making them habits in my life.

What's a goal you have for your life? A change you'd like to make? Does it seem too big or overwhelming to attempt it? Try breaking it down into bite size pieces. Trust me, at this time last year, I just wanted to be where I am now and I wanted to get here faster than I did. I still have about 21 pounds I'd like to lose, and once again, I'm struggling with wanting to get it done fast. But as I've found success over the past year by making these small, consistent changes, it urges me to keep taking one step forward. I'm living my life right now. I'm trying to overcome the mindset of, "Well, when I {lose this much weight} or {make this much money} or {insert some goal here} then I can really enjoy my life. No, I've been missing out and I'm done. My life is happening now and I can't keep being afraid to change or fail just because something looks too big. One day at a time. One meal at a time. One positive change at a time. They all add up to this life I'm living; to the one you're living. Maybe you don't have a weight loss goal, maybe the list of books you want to read is a mile long. Go to the library, check out the book and read the preface. Instead of being on your phone in the waiting room, stick your book in your bag and read while you wait. Just start. Don't keep putting it off for tomorrow. Do something today to boost your self-confidence. I think we're all stronger than we think we are; let's punch life in the face!!

Phase II

Losing weight while I'm breastfeeding is next to impossible. It seems my body thinks I must cling to everything in order to make milk for my babies! But it doesn't mean I'm going to stop taking steps toward being healthier! While frustrating that the number barely budges, I'm focusing on non-scale victories. Since last September, I now have jeans in my "to wear" pile that zip and button! I've lost 3" from my waist and almost 1" from my thighs. I can run a mile without stopping. And maybe the most shocking change, how much I've been enjoying the whole foods I'm eating, namely vegetables! For example, my lunch today was a big bowl of chicken curry which included green beans, mushrooms, onions, and zucchini. Followed by an apple. For me, this is progress.  

My first phase has included small changes -- walking 1 mile, now jogging 2 miles; focusing on increasing my water intake, now decreasing my sugar and dairy intake. Now I'm ready to begin phase 2 on Monday. I'm going to complete the book "42 Days to Fit." While I will not be able to achieve my goal weight in just 6 wks. (I have a little over 40 lbs. to lose) I think it's going to be a great kick in the pants! And will hopefully start me on the downward trajectory I'm hoping for! 

I'll include the link below so you can join in with me and get the book as well, if you'd like. And I will check back at the end of March and let you know how I did!

42 Days to Fit link

To life... full of vegetables! 

Clothing Capsules

This summer I started reading about clothing capsules. The first article was written by a lady who had gotten rid of all her clothes and only purchased a small selection of clothes to wear every day. The concept was intriguing, but that model seemed too extreme for me. Then I found a blog called un-fancy. In it she talks about seasonal clothing capsules (January-March, April-June, July-September, October-December). For each season she chooses the following:

15 tops

9 bottoms

9 shoes

2 dresses

2 outerwear 

And then unlimited accessories. Plus she doesn't count pjs or workout clothes. I liked this idea a lot! Simplifying your clothing choices and being creative with your wardrobe. Also realizing that you don't need as many clothes as you might think, if you'll pick good quality, pieces you love! 

In September I decided to get started. After having a baby, I was frustrated going through my clothes trying to find the ones that fit and I felt comfortable in. It was frustrating and a bit hard on my self-confidence so I tried on clothes and picked out the ones I felt good in and put the rest away. And you know what? It felt great! I had options. I could see everything I could wear. And once I picked my outfit for the day, I didn't have to change. 

I am working on losing the baby weight and the weather has changed significantly in the past 2 months. So I decided to choose my capsule monthly for now. It really works for me. I don't feel bored with my options because I get to do a little moving around and editing every time the calendar turns. I can bring out a new shirt or pair of pants I'd been waiting to wear and hadn't been able to yet and it's quite motivating to see if something fits after 30 days that hadn't the previous time I'd tried it on. I am enjoying this clothing capsule model; feeling less stress about picking my clothes each day. I feel like I'm wearing my "favorite clothes" all the time, and well, why shouldn't I be? I'm very excited about the LulaRoe clothing I have begun to get and I know I'm getting 3 new pieces for Christmas because I picked them out! :) And can I just say that I'm having a hard time waiting?! The pieces are just super comfortable and wonderful quality and I want to wear them all the time! I see more purchases in the future, but now that I'm able to filter them through my clothing capsule mindset I choose them according to my favorite color scheme and what will mix and match best with the wardrobe I have. Smart shopping!
Enough of my jabbering for now. But I thought I'd share this idea in case it inspires someone else to try it as well!

To life... full of beautiful, simple clothing!   

Bed Rest to 5K

Once upon a time, in my life before children, I use to write posts from time to time with the label "Healthy Living." I spent a good portion of my time devoted to running/exercising on a regular basis. I encouraged other people to join in with me. I even taught a Zumba class for a semester! I was at the lowest weight of my married life and feeling pretty good about myself. I had just bought quite a slew of smaller-sized summer clothes at an Old Navy sale before I discovered I was pregnant with Zeke.

Zoo Run 10K, Fort Worth, TX; April 2010

Marathon Relay into Colorado Springs, CO; September 2010  

Turning 25, at work; May 2011 

The thing is, I was 24 years old, and sure, I was working my butt off, but I was missing at least half of the whole "healthy life" point -- my diet. I justified I could eat whatever I wanted, as long as my calories going in were still less than the calories I was expending. Now that I've grown older and wiser (maybe ;)) I've come to realize a couple of things.
     #1. While exercise is an excellent thing to do for your body and health, it alone does not make you healthy. You must follow up with excellent foods -- fruits, vegetables, protein, nuts; perhaps whole foods as much as possible. Eating in moderation, definitely. For 29 years I would not categorize my eating habits as "self-controlled" or "disciplined." It's hard, but making a change will be worth it. Which leads me to my second point.
     #2. I need to find a reason to do this that exceeds the "I want to be a certain weight" goal. After having children, my body is different. I've read articles about loving your body all the time, not just when you reach a certain weight; appreciating it for what it can do. So... what is my "Why?" Why do I want to make healthy decisions and really change my life for the better?
 - To avoid diabetes, heart disease, cancer, hypertension; diseases than are often onset due to being overweight or obese.
 - To live a longer, healthier life!
 - To be a good example to my family; showing my children first-hand how a healthy lifestyle can be fun and is worth it!
 - To be more confident with how I look and feel about myself.
 - To see if by making healthier food choices I can eliminate my eczema and acne.

I do not have illusions that 6 months from now I'll be a different person, I'll be making consistently healthy choices and my body will look totally different. Change takes time. It takes focus. It take self-control and determination. Like erosion, it is a sculpting, shaping, gradual process.

... I began this post on Sunday afternoon, Aug. 2, having no clue I'd be giving birth just hours later. So I'm finally back, here on August 14, to continue.

What I'd like to do is begin writing again on a more regular basis about the topic of "Healthy Living." It is important to me and I feel that writing out my thoughts and sharing my activities might help me to press on when I want to give up. But also, maybe I will encourage others to make small changes for the better in their lives as well. As I've just had child #3, I don't intend to push myself too hard in these first few months. We'll have to adjust to life as a family of 5 and I feel that it's best to not put too many expectations on myself in the first few months. Otherwise I might end up disappointed in myself or getting frustrated more easily. My 2 goals for September - December are:

#1. Drink 100 - 128 oz. of water daily. (128 oz. is a gallon and that is my goal for health as well as promoting a good milk supply.)

#2. Once I'm cleared to do so, exercise for 20 min. per day, 3 times a week. I'm planning to get some workout videos from the library. As I was on bed rest for almost 5 1/2 weeks and am now recovering from a c-section, it's going to take me some time to get my strength back. I'll need to start slow with walking and beginner videos, but I'd rather take it slow and not injure myself and actually enjoy myself, than jump in too hard and give up.

The reason for the title of this post is that several weeks ago, Jeremiah had mentioned that if I do another 5K and followed the popular "Couch to 5K" plan it would be quite a literal interpretation in my case! And it sparked in me the idea to share my journey of getting back into shape while making better food choices and see what benefits I can provide to my health and well-being. I would like to do a 5K, but as I said, I am starting slow and will probably not take on that endeavor until either next spring or summer. But I hope you will enjoy following along with me as I work on these two goals over the next few months.

To life... full of healthy (and sometimes difficult) choices!

Our Newest Addition

Zoë Kayte arrived on Sunday, August 2nd at 6:52 pm. Here are a few snapshots from the last 12 days we have been in the hospital while she grew stronger in the NICU. Today (Friday) we have just moved her to Mommy's room to see how she does. 

August 2 -- just a couple of hours after she was born

Day 1 - The boys meeting their sister for the first time! Our new family photo! 

Day 1 - Zeke was very interested in all her tubes and monitors. He's going to be a great big brother! 

Day 1 - One of my very favorite pictures of Zoë

Day 1 - Holding Zoë for the first time! 

Monday night -- New Parents' Dinner 

Day 2- They removed her C-Pap!

Day 2 - Big brothers back for a visit

Day 2 - Snuggling without her oxygen mask in the way!

Day 4 - Peeking into the "ship." Love this sweet photo!

Day 5 - Relaxing in the "tanning bed" (aka bringing her bilirubin levels down). She only had to stay under the lights for 24 hours

Day 5 - A little skin to skin time

Day 5- Her first real bath!

Day 5 - Not a fan!

Day 6 - Wide awake with her feeding tube in.

Day 8 - Sweet big brother Zeke

Day 8 - Big brothers came to visit! They brought Mommy and nurses some chocolate chip cookies!

Day 8 - Daddy and his kids

Day 9 - Into her open bassinet and wearing her new hat!

Day 10 - Cuddling with Nurse Arla

Day 11 - Getting checked on by her doctor 

Day 11 - No tubes, no monitors. Our trial run while in the safety of the NICU