Much to my surprise, when I was reflecting upon which habit I want to focus on for the month of December, I decided it should be self-care. Personally, when I hear the phrase 'self-care' the first words that come to mind are lazy, selfish. Those tapes have played in my head my entire life and it is going to take intentional work to rid myself of those dishonest thoughts. It's hard for me to choose a habit that benefits my emotional well-being because I'm a driven and I-want-to-see-results person. I'd much prefer to keep focusing on my dietary habits so I can lose weight/fat/fit in my clothes better. But, as I've been a part of the Balance 365 community for a couple of months, I'm realizing how important a holistic approach is to my health. Stress can have so many negative effects on my health, so instead of adding something that would require more brainpower, will power, mind-work, I chose something that would be life-giving to me. Which, at first, was hard to accept. And then as I thought about it, I got more and more excited. Something to make me feel better, more whole, more like a human being and less stressed, less likely to get upset with my family? This is genius!
I have already written up my "plan" for December and posted it on my door to see every day. But I thought I might share it with you in case you, like me, need a boost of confidence to take care of yourself or even 'permission' to not feel guilty when you say no to another holiday party, to not do another pinterest project, to just be instead of striving to be more. I think it's ok for all of us to scale things WAY back and even more so during the Christmas season.
So here's my game plan:
1. Slow down.
It might sound too easy. But as I am a highly efficient person (or at least I like to be!) having 3 small children gives me the efficiency of a slug working it's way through mud. Many mornings look like: "wash one dish, go break up a fight, walk back to the kitchen, return to the living room to stop the screaming, go back and wash a fork and spoon, return to living room to find pictures knocked off the wall..." I think you get the idea. And this is not a stretch, it's just actual fact. And then I get so frustrated with my children because, hey, they're being children and it's annoying because it's slowing down my productivity and then we get into a cycle of upset and tears. So, yes, I'm going to slow down and worry less about efficiency and more about taking one step at a time.
2. Do the bare minimum.
Agh! This one ^^ is going to be tough. I hate doing the bare minimum. I would rather do everything really well and if I can't do it well, I don't want to do it at all. But I'm going to give myself the grace to do the bare minimum, which might mean I clean one toilet and that's it. But for the sake of my sanity, for the relationship I want to build with my children during this season, to keep the focus on Jesus and not the neatness of the house or the "presentation" of my family, I'm giving myself the permission to do the bare minimum.
3. Be kind to myself.
I am my biggest critic. And I've found that the more I critique myself and degrade my abilities and my lack of this or that or what I'm not accomplishing, the easier it is for me to do the same towards others. I hold myself to such a standard that neither I nor anyone else can ever measure up. And it is exhausting. So in being kind to myself, I believe it will trickle over into being kind to others as well. If I can accept that I did not clean the bathroom -- again-- I can also accept that my husband did not pick up his shoes -- again. Because isn't a peaceful household another great goal for the season? I think so!
4. Pick 1 self-care activity
every day.
I've been doing pretty well at practicing some self-care each week, but this month I'm going to kick it up a notch and pick something every single day. I've held the belief that I have to get out of the house or spend money or do something big to 'accomplish' self-care. But it's not true. So I picked a few things that I can do both at home as well as out of the house. I think one of the things I'll truly have to work on is not feeling guilty for my self-care habit, especially when I choose to stay home. Often, when I'm home, if I choose a self-care activity, it's hard for me to not be thinking in the back of my mind, "I should be doing something else, like the dishes, or folding laundry, or tidying up, I don't deserve to sit here and relax." Working on relaxing without guilt is going to be a big step forward for me. Here are some of my personal suggestions:
- Read for 30 minutes
- Play the piano
- Meet a friend for coffee, without kids
- Watch a movie
- Dance/stretch/do some yoga
- Go for a hike
- Zumba
- Workout at the Chilson center
- Take a nap
- Go to the Coffee Tree
- Eat a doughnut. That's right. I love me a good doughnut, and to be able to enjoy it without guilt? Definitely an act of self-care ;)
And lastly, my new mantra, is to remind myself of this: "I'm doing the best I can." Because not only am I allowing myself to believe the best about myself, it pushes me to believe it of others. Maybe that other person isn't actually frowning at me, but thinking about their mom being in the hospital. Maybe that driver didn't cut me off in traffic because they're rude, maybe they are rushing to pick up a child from school. Maybe we're all just doing the best we can.
I hope that those of you who read today's post are encouraged to reflect on how you might take care of yourself this December. Let's spur each other on in treating ourselves, and one another, with more care and grace and acceptance, not just in December, but all year long!
Small habits. Small changes. Small encouragements.
