Reflections, Introduction

I am a quiet, observant, introverted, enneagram 5 who mostly lives in my head. And if that sounds weird to you, that's ok. I often feel misunderstood, and while it's painful to feel like I don't come across the way I hoped, I am learning to let go of my idealized version of myself and embrace the reality of life {I didn't even like typing that sentence!} Here's a picture: often, as I'm leaving a group setting, I will think "Wow! What an enriching, meaningful conversation we just had!" and then as I reflect some more I will realize that I actually forgot to say anything out loud. As people share and discuss, I am listening, ingesting, commentating and responding inwardly, but often forget or am afraid to speak out loud. 

Because, you see, it is much safer to keep those thoughts internally. And then I frustrate myself further because when I do pluck up my courage and decide to actually say words *out loud* I find my voice often gets all wavery and my eyes will sometimes tear up because I feel passionate, or strongly about the subject and I'm so not used to saying anything, that the experience feels even more vulnerable and it takes a lot of energy out of me. 

Nevertheless, as I countdown the days until I turn 40, I thought I'd share some things I've learned in my third decade of life. I'm blogging it, which is like so 2009, but I figure that gives people an option to click on the link or just move on if they'd rather not read an excessively long social media post :) 

Something I began over the past decade is work on my habits. I've never been one to rush or make quick decisions or try something rashly. I reflect, predict outcomes, consider what's realistic in my season of life, and alter course slowly; maybe even painstakingly slow. But as I near my 40th birthday next week and consider those small changes that I chose to become habits, I am thankful I didn't wait for the "perfect time" or when things were "easier". Yes, there were some things I started that were fails, but the ones that have stuck, I'm glad I made the effort to try and not give up even when I didn't see "results" as quickly as I wanted. I suppose along the way I might have read "Atomic Habits" by James Clear as many people reference when it comes to habit building, but I have not. Anyone out there recommend it? As I share a little each day, I will try to share some of my resources that have helped inform my decisions. Perhaps it will provide you some insight to a subject you are interested in as well! 

To habits... and writing again!