About Me

 I think blogging might be over. I mean, I used to be a daily visitor to several cooking blogs in years' past -- Pioneer Woman, Mel's Kitchen Cafe, Six Sister's Stuff, and many more. I perused and printed off many, many recipes that I still use to this day. So it was indeed not time wasted. I had a surplus of time in those early years of marriage that I was unaware of until having 4 kids and moving 6 times in a span of 5 years. But it is summertime once more and, by choice, I have at least 90 minutes each week that I spend mowing our yard; it gives me time to reflect and think my own thoughts, a rare feat in a household of six. In high school days, I would write poetry, albeit poorly. I joined the "bake and blog sensation" from about 2008 - 2012 and enjoyed chatting away about what I was baking and sharing pictures. I like to write meaningful posts on Instagram or Facebook and try to inspire or encourage others. 100 characters is usually not enough space for me to go into the detail I like. But sometimes I'll share something that is particularly meaningful to me and not receive the response I was hoping for, which I realize is unintentional, but still hurts a bit because I've assigned an emotion or hope to it, sometimes without even realizing it. Writing is my forte, more than verbal communication. Sure, give me a good one-on-one and I'm great at asking questions, talking, listening; it's really the best way to get to know me. But once you expand that out to two, three sets of eyes that I know are listening and watching, I retreat back into my shell because I have a harder time monitoring the body language, assessing the answers, watching for clues as to how the conversation is going and I end up not saying much at all. Case in point, a few weeks ago, I was onstage for worship team, and the leader asked me to just "say something into the mic". So here's what I said, "    ". Yep. Nothing. This is what happens to my brain when I'm 1) unprepared, 2) put on the spot, 3) there's more than one person listening. The ironic thing is, from time to time, I actually "prepare to be spontaneous". I will wait for your laughter to subside... 

Yes, often as I'm taking walks, I'll think about interesting things I have seen or read, funny things my kids have said, and I will rehearse these things for such moments as described above. But apparently my preparations were in vain because not one of those recitations arose to the top when put on the spot. The most frustrating part for me is that usually I do have a thought or something on mind. I think I am a fairly interesting person. I am becoming more well-read as I get older. But I have a very powerful filter on my mind, that allows very little to pass through without reflection and wondering how my response might affect others. This is a helpful feature in some areas of life, keeping me out of trouble. But other times it is a frustration and burden that makes me feel that I'm alone, outside of the circle. 

So here I am, feeling the urge to write again. I think perhaps I will challenge myself to write a post each week. Oh, I know, it will be extremely difficult, for you, dear readers, to wait seven whole days between posts ;) The challenge is really for myself because I do like the act of writing whether with pen and paper or screen and keyboard. I feel like the pressure is off a bit because I plan to share the link to my blog posts on Facebook, but no one has to take the time to read it unless they want to, and my expectations will be lower. That way when I see a post only has 2 readers (Hi, Mom and Dad!) I won't flounder as much as previous attempts. I'm really hoping to write for myself, but if someone wants to read about a particular topic I share, they might be encouraged or ask me a question. That has always been my goal. I realize I don't have a huge circle of influence. I don't have a 'K' behind my numbers of followers on Instagram. But I do have friends and family. And I care very much, more than I'll ever say to you in person. But perhaps, through my writing, I will be able to share a bit more, and practice being ok with showing others who I am.    

To life... full of words!