MMM: Growing Up

Sometimes when someone else is holding Zeke I look at him and realize, he is growing up! Yes, yes, I KNOW, he is always growing older, but when I hold him in my arms he is always my little baby. My sweet little boy. In some ways he hasn't changed at all, in other ways he's totally different from that first day when he was laid on my chest.

When I look at other people's 7.5 month olds I think, "Wow, they are big! They can do so much! They have changed so much!" When I look at Zeke I see this tiny child with so much to learn... so much of the world to explore... so much possibility lies ahead of him. Will he ever not be my little baby?

When he's two years old, will I still rock him and see the baby that we first met? If so, don't remind me that he's already a toddler.

When he's eight years old, will I still give him lots of kisses and hugs and think back to the baby I was always rocking in my arms? If so, don't remind me that he's a second grader and will be out of the house before I know it.

When he's fourteen and bringing home friends after soccer (or football or band) practice to eat dinner with our family and I get teary as I remember the hours I spent feeding him on the couch and teaching him how to eat off a spoon and how to sign "more", don't remind me that he's in high school and going to be driving soon and that he's "almost a man" because I'm starting to realize, he will always be my little baby boy.

A few weeks ago Jeremiah and I went on a date and decided to go to Barnes & Noble. We went to the children's section and I found the book "Love you Forever." I had always liked that book growing up and I hear other moms talk about reading it to their children. So I sat down and read it and was almost shocked. As I made my way through the book I was thinking, "Wow! This lady has some attachment issues! Why in the world is she DRIVING over to her GROWN SON'S house and rocking him to sleep?!?! I mean, give it up lady, he's a grown up." I honestly almost didn't buy the book because it kind of bothered me. I mean, the kid is a man, he lives in his own house, he's a peacock, you gotta let him fly (Name that movie!).

But...

recently...

I'm starting to understand. Zeke will grow up and move out of our home and someday he might even have a family of his own. But to me, in my heart, in my mind, when I look at him, he will always be my little baby.

To life... full of feeling sentimental.