I can still remember driving Zeke home from the hospital, just 2 days old. My love for him was overwhelming, jealous, protective. I didn't want to share him with anyone else. I wanted to spend all my time with him, taking care of him. It was the heart-squeezing, eyes-misting, body-warming love --like nothing I had experienced in my life up to that moment. Sure, I love my husband in a way I love no other person. I love my family, I love my friends. But those are the types of love you choose, daily, to maintain, cherish, and grow. This one hit me like a line drive to shortstop. And even now, as he grows and tests boundaries and disobeys and doesn't seem to listen to me, I can't stop my heart from pouring out love for him. Sure, I get frustrated and sometimes lose my temper when he pushes a button I've told him not to; when he steps onto the laptop when I've said "no"; when he messes with the knobs on the grill while it is flaming hot. But in those quiet, peaceful moments when we're cuddling or reading a book or he's asleep in my arms, I feel my mama-love running deep through my veins for my firstborn child.
So how does this "mama-love" work with another baby? Right now it seems impossible for me to love another child as much as I love Ezekiel. I find myself wondering if it's possible for there to be favorites. What if I love one child more than another? Am I a terrible mother? Will I always compare the two? I heard (or read) once that when another child comes along, your love doesn't divide, it multiplies. Is this true? I surely hope so, but I really have no way of knowing until the day comes when I give birth to my second child. Until then, this is my most recent musing...
To life... full of adding children, subtracting selfishness, and multiplying love!
1 comment:
Life is experienced daily; as you are finding out. Good tho'ts.
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